For starters, my DTS was one of the most incredible experiences of my life. It was a time where God stretched me, grew me, pursued me. It was a time that I started to understand the importance of my relationship with Him. It was a time of healing, of freedom, and of incredible joy. I wouldn’t trade those four and a half months for anything. I know that that is exactly what God had planned for me after high school.
In the last couple weeks of DTS, my staff offered advice about the transition back home. I heard over and over that the transition was going to be the hardest part of DTS. I figured after some of the incredible stretching God did on outreach, transitioning home would be a breeze. I’d be home again with my family and friends, and the only difference would be that I was more in love with God than before.
I was pretty off on that assumption. I got home a little bit just over six months ago, and I can pretty easily say that this has been the hardest six months of my life. I had made the decision before DTS that I would take the full year off and start school in the fall. With a large majority of my friends off at college, and the rest in high school, I found myself with lots of time to myself. And for those of you that know me well, you know that that isn’t something I enjoy. I would much rather spend my time with other people.
I knew that God had something special for me in this time. I knew that there was something He wanted for me. My dad said something to me shortly after I came home. He said, “Ryan, I’ve been praying for you, and I know you have been lonely, but I feel like God is saying that this season is a really special time for you and Him.” I agreed with that wholeheartedly. I wanted to get started right away. What I didn’t realize is that it wasn’t just “Spend time with me alone, away from your friends, and you are going to see incredible growth.” It was more as if God was calling to me, “Lay down everything, let go of everything, pursue me. I’m enough.” I didn’t realize He was saying that to me. All I knew was that God had said that this season was for me and Him, and I was seeing absolutely nothing coming from it.
I felt like my quiet times were dry. I felt abandoned my Him at points. “God, I did this for you, and now you are just leaving me. I spent four and a half months of my life pursuing you, and now you aren’t going to pursue me. Where are you?” I found myself wrestling with obedience. On DTS, I learned that God genuinely wanted relationship with me. Now I was wrestling with the idea that God only wanted relationship with me so that I could do stuff for Him.
I kept looking around trying to find God, only to find that I had shut him off, because I felt like I was being taken advantage of. I’d try to open back up to Him, but something kept me back. Needless to say this was a pretty rough time for me. I still knew that God hadn’t left me, but it sure felt like it.
Now to the fun part. Over the last six months God has asked me to give some things up to Him. Some small, some big. But all of them were things that hindered my relationship with Him. Some I couldn’t give up and I asked Him to take them from me, expecting He wouldn’t. He did.
In the past week, God shook some things up that needed to be shaken, and I was able to let of some things that I needed to let go of. And as we broke through my last wall keeping Him out, He ran full speed and swept me up in His arms. I think that is about the only way I can describe it. In the past week, I have seen the past six months come together in an awesome way. “Oh, I see why you did that God, sorry I was shut you off.” “Oh, thank you for doing that, even though I was mad at you about it.”
I have fallen in love with God at a deeper level than I have ever seen in my life. I have had more joy in the last week, than I have had the whole time I’ve been back home. And rather than God saying “I told you so,” He said, “I love you. I’m so proud of you. You’re mine.”
Thank you God for who you are!
Monday, May 24, 2010
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Dying to Live
“Jesus replied, ‘The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.’” - John 12:23-26
I picture Jesus saying this very calmly and confidently. I can just see Him standing there and calling people to live like He does. Totally surrendered, totally ignoring Himself. In fact, I picture Jesus standing there, and as He is saying this He is hardly able to contain the excitement of following His Dad’s call. This is where I stopped the first time reading this. I thought, “Wow, that is how I should be. That is the key. I should just ignore what I’m feeling and try to make myself excited about it.” Then I asked God for a bigger piece, something more from this. He said to read on a bit further.
“Now my heart is troubled…” - John 12:27a
Wow! Jesus might have been calm, and He probably was confident, because He knew His Dad. But His heart was troubled. His heart was aching at what He was going to go through. But disregarding His pain and disregarding Himself, He was able to say:
“…and what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? No, it was this very reason I came to this hour. Father, glorify your name!” - John 12:27b-28
Jesus was dying to live. He knew that life wasn’t in the physical. He knew that life wasn’t about feeling, about nerves, about us. He knew that life was in the Father. He died to Himself so that HE could live from God’s life. He died to the world so that WE could live from that same life. If He had chosen to live for Himself, we would have never had the opportunity to live in God’s life.
"I tell you the truth, anyone who believes in me will do the same works I have done, and even greater works, because I am going to be with the Father.” - John 14:12
I think every time that I have read this verse; my thoughts have gone straight to His miracles. We will heal more than He did, we will raise the dead more than He did, we will prophesy more than He did. I believe He was talking about that, but I think He was talking about something even deeper than that. The One who died so that the whole world had the opportunity to live is telling us that we will do greater works than Him. Maybe there is something there. He is saying if we believe in Him, we will do the same things He has done and even greater. Wow! I’m not going to try and say what that means, because I don’t know, but I do know that Jesus wasn’t just giving a pep talk that He didn’t believe in.
The only way we can figure out what that looks like is to do what Jesus did. He surrendered His troubled heart, He surrendered His reasons why He shouldn’t do it, He surrendered himself, because He knew that what His Dad had was greater than what He could do out of Himself. I want to live like that. It’s kind of scary, because it involves letting go of my walls, my protection, but it’s exciting because I know that God has the only true life.
I picture Jesus saying this very calmly and confidently. I can just see Him standing there and calling people to live like He does. Totally surrendered, totally ignoring Himself. In fact, I picture Jesus standing there, and as He is saying this He is hardly able to contain the excitement of following His Dad’s call. This is where I stopped the first time reading this. I thought, “Wow, that is how I should be. That is the key. I should just ignore what I’m feeling and try to make myself excited about it.” Then I asked God for a bigger piece, something more from this. He said to read on a bit further.
“Now my heart is troubled…” - John 12:27a
Wow! Jesus might have been calm, and He probably was confident, because He knew His Dad. But His heart was troubled. His heart was aching at what He was going to go through. But disregarding His pain and disregarding Himself, He was able to say:
“…and what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? No, it was this very reason I came to this hour. Father, glorify your name!” - John 12:27b-28
Jesus was dying to live. He knew that life wasn’t in the physical. He knew that life wasn’t about feeling, about nerves, about us. He knew that life was in the Father. He died to Himself so that HE could live from God’s life. He died to the world so that WE could live from that same life. If He had chosen to live for Himself, we would have never had the opportunity to live in God’s life.
"I tell you the truth, anyone who believes in me will do the same works I have done, and even greater works, because I am going to be with the Father.” - John 14:12
I think every time that I have read this verse; my thoughts have gone straight to His miracles. We will heal more than He did, we will raise the dead more than He did, we will prophesy more than He did. I believe He was talking about that, but I think He was talking about something even deeper than that. The One who died so that the whole world had the opportunity to live is telling us that we will do greater works than Him. Maybe there is something there. He is saying if we believe in Him, we will do the same things He has done and even greater. Wow! I’m not going to try and say what that means, because I don’t know, but I do know that Jesus wasn’t just giving a pep talk that He didn’t believe in.
The only way we can figure out what that looks like is to do what Jesus did. He surrendered His troubled heart, He surrendered His reasons why He shouldn’t do it, He surrendered himself, because He knew that what His Dad had was greater than what He could do out of Himself. I want to live like that. It’s kind of scary, because it involves letting go of my walls, my protection, but it’s exciting because I know that God has the only true life.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Regrets
Live life with no regrets. It makes a great feel good slogan for life. Live your present life so that you won’t regret it. That sounds like a plan. I’m going to live today so that tomorrow I won’t regret it. That bases our today on us and what we do.
God told me one day that I needed to stop regretting. My mind immediately went to the phrase “Live life with no regrets.” To my surprise, God said “Not your understanding of that phrase. I don’t want you to regret the past.” What does that even mean?
We make mistakes. There are decisions I’ve made, that I want to kick myself for and say, “I wish I hadn’t done that.” I thought I was being all Godly by kicking myself for my mistakes and for shaming myself. Maybe if I wish I hadn’t done it, God will accept me.
God uses everything for our good, but He can’t use my screw ups. Really? How do we actually buy that. When God says everything , He means everything, not everything minus my mistakes. So when I sinned yesterday. That’s in the past. I don’t regret that anymore. I don’t shame myself for it. I admit I screwed up, I don’t deny that, but I acknowledge that regretting it doesn’t change anything. I’ve been redeemed through Jesus and I don’t have to focus on my failures. In fact my failure has been redeemed and God has used it for something good. So when I focus on my failure I miss the good that God has brought out of it. Our performance has no affect on our God, so why should we focus our thoughts on our performance.
That is selfish to focus on ourselves. Let go of the idea that our performance is ultimate and realize that our God is ultimate.
Live a life with no regrets. Not because we don’t make regrettable mistakes, but because our regrettable mistakes don’t hold us, our God does.
God told me one day that I needed to stop regretting. My mind immediately went to the phrase “Live life with no regrets.” To my surprise, God said “Not your understanding of that phrase. I don’t want you to regret the past.” What does that even mean?
We make mistakes. There are decisions I’ve made, that I want to kick myself for and say, “I wish I hadn’t done that.” I thought I was being all Godly by kicking myself for my mistakes and for shaming myself. Maybe if I wish I hadn’t done it, God will accept me.
God uses everything for our good, but He can’t use my screw ups. Really? How do we actually buy that. When God says everything , He means everything, not everything minus my mistakes. So when I sinned yesterday. That’s in the past. I don’t regret that anymore. I don’t shame myself for it. I admit I screwed up, I don’t deny that, but I acknowledge that regretting it doesn’t change anything. I’ve been redeemed through Jesus and I don’t have to focus on my failures. In fact my failure has been redeemed and God has used it for something good. So when I focus on my failure I miss the good that God has brought out of it. Our performance has no affect on our God, so why should we focus our thoughts on our performance.
That is selfish to focus on ourselves. Let go of the idea that our performance is ultimate and realize that our God is ultimate.
Live a life with no regrets. Not because we don’t make regrettable mistakes, but because our regrettable mistakes don’t hold us, our God does.
Monday, December 28, 2009
The Purpose of God's Will
"In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of His will."
-Ephesians 1:11
I'll just touch on the first half of the verse very quickly. We were chosen. Oh, so what about the people who weren't chosen? I wholeheartedly believe that everyone is chosen by God. That isn't the part that needs to be questioned. The only part that leaves room for question is whether or not we choose Him.
The second half of this verse is the one that God really spoke to me through. We've heard plenty of times the question: "How can God let bad things happen?" I've asked the question myself. "Well it was just God's will. You have to accept it as it is." Thats ridiculous.
I have never seen a verse that says, "Everything that happens is God's will." Was it God's will that Adam and Eve sinned? If everything that happens is God's will, then we don't really have free choice. If everything that happens is God's will, then sin is God's will. I find that pretty hard to accept.
This verse doesn't say that God works out everything to his will, it says "...who works out everything in conformity with the PURPOSE of his will..."
Well what is the purpose of his will? The purpose of God's will is relationship. So what about when Adam and Eve sinned? Did God work everything in conformity with the purpose of His will there? Absolutely. The purpose of His will is relationship. If God had stepped in and stopped them from sinning, that takes away their choice. You take away choice and freedom in a relationship, you take away the relationship. God doesn't want a relationship with us if he forces us to love him. That isn't relationship that is abuse of power, and forced love isn't really love.
So, is bad stuff that happens God's will? I don't know what is God's will or what isn't God's will. I do know that God is ALWAYS good. Something one of our speakers said on my DTS was "We have to stop judging our God based on our circumstances, and instead judge our circumstances based on our God." That is something that radically redefines how we look at life.
So why do we blame God when bad things happen? We don't have a good understanding of who God really is. When we begin to grasp who God really is, we can begin to trust Him. And when we trust Him, we stop trying to pin all of our problems on Him, and we begin falling madly in love with Him.
-Ephesians 1:11
I'll just touch on the first half of the verse very quickly. We were chosen. Oh, so what about the people who weren't chosen? I wholeheartedly believe that everyone is chosen by God. That isn't the part that needs to be questioned. The only part that leaves room for question is whether or not we choose Him.
The second half of this verse is the one that God really spoke to me through. We've heard plenty of times the question: "How can God let bad things happen?" I've asked the question myself. "Well it was just God's will. You have to accept it as it is." Thats ridiculous.
I have never seen a verse that says, "Everything that happens is God's will." Was it God's will that Adam and Eve sinned? If everything that happens is God's will, then we don't really have free choice. If everything that happens is God's will, then sin is God's will. I find that pretty hard to accept.
This verse doesn't say that God works out everything to his will, it says "...who works out everything in conformity with the PURPOSE of his will..."
Well what is the purpose of his will? The purpose of God's will is relationship. So what about when Adam and Eve sinned? Did God work everything in conformity with the purpose of His will there? Absolutely. The purpose of His will is relationship. If God had stepped in and stopped them from sinning, that takes away their choice. You take away choice and freedom in a relationship, you take away the relationship. God doesn't want a relationship with us if he forces us to love him. That isn't relationship that is abuse of power, and forced love isn't really love.
So, is bad stuff that happens God's will? I don't know what is God's will or what isn't God's will. I do know that God is ALWAYS good. Something one of our speakers said on my DTS was "We have to stop judging our God based on our circumstances, and instead judge our circumstances based on our God." That is something that radically redefines how we look at life.
So why do we blame God when bad things happen? We don't have a good understanding of who God really is. When we begin to grasp who God really is, we can begin to trust Him. And when we trust Him, we stop trying to pin all of our problems on Him, and we begin falling madly in love with Him.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Victory
What does victory mean? Well victory is when one team beats another team. Victory is when the other side surrenders. This is talking about the physical realm.
What about spiritual victory? We know that Satan is already defeated. So why do we struggle with him? We struggle with him, because we believe that he still has a chance to beat us. We say, "Well God wins in the end, but right now, Satan is really beating me up." Satan has already lost. He's trying to score after the whistle has been blown. He is trying to fight after he has been forced to surrender. His only power is in deception, and as long as he has us deceived to believe that we can lose to him, he has power over us.
As soon as we recognize that he really has no authority over us, then he loses the little power that we have given him. He will still try and tempt us, he will still try and deceive us, but in all reality he has no power, because he has lost.
I catch myself arguing with Satan sometimes. It doesn't make sense, but it happens. I don't have a full understanding of victory, but as God reveals more of His victory, the more I recognize my power over Satan.
What about spiritual victory? We know that Satan is already defeated. So why do we struggle with him? We struggle with him, because we believe that he still has a chance to beat us. We say, "Well God wins in the end, but right now, Satan is really beating me up." Satan has already lost. He's trying to score after the whistle has been blown. He is trying to fight after he has been forced to surrender. His only power is in deception, and as long as he has us deceived to believe that we can lose to him, he has power over us.
As soon as we recognize that he really has no authority over us, then he loses the little power that we have given him. He will still try and tempt us, he will still try and deceive us, but in all reality he has no power, because he has lost.
I catch myself arguing with Satan sometimes. It doesn't make sense, but it happens. I don't have a full understanding of victory, but as God reveals more of His victory, the more I recognize my power over Satan.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Trusting God
What would happen if I walked out the door today totally trusting God? How would that look? Would it look any different than what I'm walking out now?
It would look like Jesus' life. Jesus walked out in total trust of God the Father because he knew God's character and he knew God intimately and perfectly. When God asked Jesus to reach down, spit in the dirt, and rub it on some random guys eyes, he had a choice to make. He could either obey what God told him to do, or he could decide that ignoring Him would be better. He stepped out in obedience because He trusted that what God told him was in line with His perfect character.
If I walked out the door today with a full understanding of God's character and a full trust in Him, my life would look pretty similar to the life that Jesus led. I want that. How do I get that? The closer I get to God the more I trust Him. It's not always an easy journey of stepping out, in fact the way we grow is by stepping out a bit more than what we are comfortable with. Never be settled in being comfortable with what God is telling you to do.
I love God. He is always ready to walk life with me. Even if I step back in how much I trust Him. He picks me up right where we were and starts going at it again right beside me. I cannot wait to be in perfect relationship with HIm!
It would look like Jesus' life. Jesus walked out in total trust of God the Father because he knew God's character and he knew God intimately and perfectly. When God asked Jesus to reach down, spit in the dirt, and rub it on some random guys eyes, he had a choice to make. He could either obey what God told him to do, or he could decide that ignoring Him would be better. He stepped out in obedience because He trusted that what God told him was in line with His perfect character.
If I walked out the door today with a full understanding of God's character and a full trust in Him, my life would look pretty similar to the life that Jesus led. I want that. How do I get that? The closer I get to God the more I trust Him. It's not always an easy journey of stepping out, in fact the way we grow is by stepping out a bit more than what we are comfortable with. Never be settled in being comfortable with what God is telling you to do.
I love God. He is always ready to walk life with me. Even if I step back in how much I trust Him. He picks me up right where we were and starts going at it again right beside me. I cannot wait to be in perfect relationship with HIm!
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